The Art of Victim Blaming

TW: Sexual Violence

“You never screamed for help?” -An attorney for Donald J. Trump, questioning E. Jean Carroll in her rape case against the former president

“If you’re living with a man, what are you doing running around the streets getting raped?” -An attorney questioning Cheryl Araujo, who was gang raped by four men in a tavern in 1983

“You did a lot of partying in college, right?” -An attorney for Brock Turner, questioning a woman who said the Stanford student sexually assaulted her while unconscious in 2015

The above (Bennett, 2023) are examples of victim blaming, which can be defined as “someone saying, implying, or treating a person who has experienced harmful or abusive behavior (such as a survivor of sexual violence) like it was a result of something they did or said, instead of placing the responsibility where it belongs: on the person who harmed them” (Victim Blaming, n.d.). In simpler terms, victim blaming is one’s natural reaction to crime being a lack of sympathy.

Victim blaming can be as blatant and explicit as the examples above, but it can also be understated, and sometimes, people may not always realize they’re doing it (i.e., hearing about a crime and thinking you would have been more careful if you were in the victim’s position).

Sherry Hamby, founding editor of the American Psychological Association journal Psychology of Violence, views the biggest contributing factor to victim blaming as the just-world hypothesis, or the idea that people deserve what happens to them (Roberts, 2016). According to Hamby, this sense may be stronger among Americans, who are rooted in the American Dream, the idea that we control our own destinies. Unlike other cultures, Americans are less likely to believe that bad things happen to good people.

On the other hand, some may use victim blaming as a defense mechanism, blaming victims so that they can feel safe themselves, “holding victims responsible for their misfortune is partially a way to avoid admitting that something just as unthinkable could happen to you—even if you do everything ‘right’” (Roberts, 2016). She got raped because of her own behavior; that would never happen to me, because I’m not like her.

According to Barbara Gilin, professor of social work at Widener University, reading stories of victims reported in the media can trigger cognitive dissonance between “the ingrained belief in a just world and clear evidence that life is not always fair.” In this sense, an individual’s connection to the victim plays a role in their reaction. Moreover, research has shown that media coverage focusing on the victim’s experience, even in a sympathetic way, may increase the likelihood of victim blaming. In simpler terms, an individual’s desire to be sympathetic when reading about a victim’s experience may quickly shift to focusing on what the victim could have done differently (Roberts, 2016).

Overall, victim blaming most commonly stems from fear of an unjust world as well as a failure to sympathize with victims. Regardless, this reaction has devastating effects on survivors, often deterring them from disclosing their experiences and seeking help. Think about it—if you knew that a friend, family member, classmate, or thousands of strangers on the internet were going to tell you it’s your fault, would you want to open up about your experience?

Victim blaming comes in all different shapes and sizes, but some statements are most commonly used to shame survivors. Words hold power, and they can be damaging—but you know your truth. And if it’s too hard to think of the right words in the moment, let me dispute these statements for you.

Why didn’t you fight back?

The fight response is not the only stress response. There’s fight, flight, freeze, and fawn—all of which are the body’s natural response to feeling threatened (Responses, n.d.).

I think they secretly liked it.

I don’t think so. The body can show signs of arousal, even when a person experiences unwanted sexual contact. That doesn’t mean they wanted or consented to have sex.

What did you expect going out dressed like that?

A person’s clothes don’t grant consent.

You’re lying. You just want attention.

People overestimate the number of false accusations when in reality, the rate of false reporting is estimated to be only 2-8% (False Reports: Moving Beyond the Issue to Successfully Investigate and Prosecute Non-Stranger Sexual Assault, 2009).

You’ve already had sex with them. What’s the difference?

Consent doesn’t transfer from one time to another. You need consent every time.

Well, you consented to fondling. Sex was just the next step.

Consent doesn’t transfer from one sexual act to another. You need consent every time.

You’ve been dating for a year now. That’s what couples do—have sex.

Dating does not grant consent.

Why did you get so drunk?

Incapacitation does not grant consent.

You were clearly flirting with them. You wanted it.

Flirting does not grant consent.

You knew you could get pregnant; sex makes babies, that’s just part of the deal.

The deal you’re referring you is both parties’ decision to have sex. When one party doesn’t grant consent, the deal is broken. A survivor’s choice to have sex is stripped away, and so is their choice to get pregnant.

You shouldn’t have been alone with them.

A person’s behavior does not grant consent.

Why didn’t you tell anyone?

A lot of survivors don’t disclose their experiences. In fact, 63% of sexual assaults are not reported to the police (Statistics About Sexual Violence, 2015). There is a multitude of reasons a person may not feel comfortable disclosing—they haven’t yet processed what happened to them, they’re afraid that no one will believe them, they’re scared of what their perpetrator would do to them, they’re afraid of what people will say about them, they want to avoid victim blaming… The list goes on and on.

Boys will be boys—you know that.

Boys should ask for consent—you know that.

Why did you send that nude?

Sending a nude does not grant consent.

Well, you don't look like a minor.

Looks do not grant consent.

But men can’t be raped.

1 in 10 rape victims is male (Statistics, n.d.).

Why don't you remember all the details?

This reaction is actually so normal. In a state of high stress or fear, the prefrontal cortex is impaired by a surge of stress chemicals (Hopper & Lisak, 2014). When that happens, the brain’s fear circuitry, especially the amygdala, takes charge and controls where one’s attention goes. Regardless, their attention tends to be fragmented sensations. Moreover, fear circuitry impairs the hippocampus’ ability to encode short-term memories and time-sequencing information.

That’s a lot of science to say that, in simple terms, fear impairs the brain’s ability to remember all the details.

You have no proof.

You are not obligated to see any proof. Frankly, that is none of your business. A survivor’s truth is their truth, and you can never take that away from them.

You should've known better than to walk home alone.

Walking home alone does not grant consent.

But did you say no?

Consent is not the lack of a ‘no,’ but rather a clear and verbal yes.

Sources:

False Reports: Moving Beyond the Issue to Successfully Investigate and Prosecute Non-Stranger Sexual Assault. (2009). National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC).

Hopper, J., & Lisak, D. (2014, December 9). Why Rape and Trauma Survivors Have Fragmented and Incomplete Memories. TIME.

Responses. (n.d.). SURVIVORS VOICES.

Statistics About Sexual Violence. (2015). National Sexual Violence Resource Center (NSVRC).

Statistics. (n.d.). RAINN.